Friends

Friends

Writing is a solitary vocation. Our time at work is spent alone. Most writers need to be by themselves with no distractions as they put words on paper or computer screens, but as the old saying suggests, no one is an island.

All but the most reclusive of us with spend much of our life in the company of others. The choice of people we surround ourselves with and who we decide will be our friends can have important effect on our lives. There are people who inspire us and those who bring nothing but grief.

Perhaps the first priority in this area is to think about the kinds of people we should avoid.

For the sake of our writing, we must stay away from those who tell us that our work is poor or even worse, a waste of time. Not many people will come out and say our writing is without value, but there are those who make it clear that they have no respect for what we do.

If a person has no time for our writing but is friendly and interesting in every other way, there may be a temptation to overlook their negativity as a minor frustration. While it may be possible to overlook this one deficiency, it is best to stay away from those who tell us that the things most important to us in life are without value.

The other type of people to avoid are those who are unrelentingly pessimistic. While they may not comment on our work, their attitude about the world can be contagious. Spending time with people who are down on everything can spill over into our world view. It is easy for a writer to fall into the trap being surrounded by so much negativity that they lose faith in the value of anything they do.

It is important to surround yourself with positive people who are excited by and respect your work. It isn’t always easy to find friends who won’t laugh at your craziest projects.

Not all writers feel comfortable sharing the roots of stories before they write, but for me, having friends that I feel safe sharing ideas for stories with is helpful. True friends can encourage us when we come up with good ideas and temper our enthusiasm for projects headed in misguided directions.

It takes great trust to let others look at unfinished pieces of writing. We are lucky is we can find even a few people we trust with early stages of our work.

The other type of people who are helpful to have around are those who have led interesting lives and have insightful ideas. Many writers have friends who tell fascinating tales that end up as the spark for a story or even a character. When we have these kinds of friends, it is important for us to listen to them.

It is also useful to find friends who write. Other writers can inspire us with their work and understand us when we open up about the frustrations of the creative process and the perils of publishing. There is no hardship you can go through that someone else hasn’t experienced before.

We must also remember that friendship is a two-way street. If we expect those around us to be helpful to us, we must also be ready to be helpful to them. One of the best ways to develop meaningful friendships is to be a good listener. Everyone loves someone who pays attention to them. Sincere listening helps everyone. The listener will learn from what he or she hears and the one being listened to is shown respect.

It is every bit as important to be a good friend as to find good friends.